Bittersweet

This week has come with a lot of emotions for me.

Maternity2015-1

And I suppose to an extent it’s all very normal, and probably quite obvious. I cry a lot more (over really silly stuff) and have been mood-swinging to the extreme. But everything is changing, again, and I guess the tear fests and hours I spend re-organizing are how I handle it.

Any day now, Jeff and I are going to be parents. Whoo! I couldn’t be more excited, more ready feeling. All her clothes are washed, her crib is all set up and I’m tired of holding 6+ pounds of baby in my body. I am so excited to snuggle with her, to dress her up, to breastfeed her, and show her off. I am so excited to watch Jeff become a father.

But I couldn’t be more hesitant, and less ready. I know, that totally contradicts what I just said. But the closer I get to giving birth, the more and more I realize that these are literally the last few days it’s ever going to be just Jeff + I. I know, one day we’ll be empty nesters and of course just because we have a child doesn’t mean we won’t be able to maintain a strong, intimate relationship. It’s just the last time it will ever only be Jeff and Veronica, the last time I won’t ever be thinking of taking care of, looking after, or worrying about the child we created together.

And it’s all so very bitter sweet to me.

These days, it’s become so easy for me to just glance at my husband and burst into tears. Sad tears, of sorts, because I so treasure our time together and love how we’ve been blessed with so much time alone, just the two of us. And happy tears, of course, because I can already see the love he has for Joy and what a wonderful father he is going to be.

I see all this change as the ending of our personal fairy-tale.

I see all this change as the start of something a little bit more beautiful.

And I’m really not sure how to handle it, except to write all this up and take a deep break and re-organize a little bit more. I realize major adjustment and change is a part of life, and that adding Joy to our little family is simply an opportunity for us to grow in ways we never could have without her.

This change is a little bit more sweet then bitter, and fortunately anything ‘bitter’ are just the growing pains life brings. Without those, I guess I could never really grow stronger, wiser, and learn how to be more authentic.

All this aside, I am ready to meet little Joy, who I so desperately need. Despite the emotional mess I’ll likely be for the next bit of time, I know she is such a crucial piece of my heart and I would never, ever change a thing. I am so grateful for this period of change, for without it I would never know how intense it is to love something unborn, to miss something that’s not even lost, and to prepare your heart for years of change ahead.

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28 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. The fact that you value what you have together as a couple, I think shows that you will continue to honor it once you have your little girl. And honestly, giving honor to your relationship may be the most important thing you do as parents. My husband and I are nearly empty-nesters — not quite, but almost! — and we’re looking forward to our next phase in life too.
    Enjoy every moment! 🙂

  2. The unknown is scary. I remember how naively excited I was for my first child to hurry up and get here. I had no idea what I was in for. It’s an exhausting dream of a time. I know you have tons of support and that is going to help you a lot. Take family up on babysitting, don’t be a helicopter mom about it. Put your husband before your children as, the best thing you can do for them is give them an intact family. Treat each other as if you are in love even on the tough days when you aren’t feeling it and check in regularly on needs and wishes each other has. The best days are the 2-3 days right after baby is born. Soak it up. I am excited for you guys and wish you blessings galore. Prayers for a safe delivery for momma and baby. Daddy, treasure her for this unbelievable gift she is giving to you. Your job is to take such great care of her she can do what she needs to do for baby and heal from this taxing job she has done. ❤

    1. I disagree a little bit. Hormones do not really “lie” but are a useful feeling given by God to help loving emotion to some mothers to be as a connection to a new stranger that they need to “BOND” to immediately after birth. And, thyroid conditions are not the usual event. Your doctor can tell this. Every woman has the hormone surge before birth that includes the nesting instinct. You are driven to get the nest ready. Have no fear & go with the labor pains too. Don’t fight them & tighten up. Just remember labor for reward. God & Jeff will help you through it all. God Bless & no fears.

      1. Thanks for clearing up some misunderstandings. Your hormones don’t lie exactly. Stuff can be Hard for me to explain sometimes. There will be fear… no doubt….being courageous in spite of fears is bravery. It took courage for me to share my story at the risk of being criticized, and I always seem to get that. Regardless of rational or irrational fear, I know Veronica is super duper brave! You rock Girl!! Many Blessings!

  3. You will soon wonder how you ever lived without your beautiful child. 🙂 Obviously I was without kids for a long time, and we didn’t have our first baby until we had been married for six years… but I still wonder how I spent my time when it was just the two of us! You will find those moments with just you and your husband even more precious.

  4. That was so touching to read. Thoughts of a true mother to be. Emotional emphasis is caused by pregnancy hormones & also by carrying a baby girl. When you carry a girl baby the female hormones are really high & you feel very much like someone broke your heart. After Joy arrives you could encounter the baby blues because you will then miss the baby living on the inside & you also encounter heartbreaking hormones. Just remember to rest & walk & feed her breast milk on time. Draw a hormone tree to keep from crying. God did this to us to BOND closer. No worries except that ladder. You won’t feel like climbing it the first week or so afterwards. You are courageous Victoria. Labor is hard work but with great rewards. You are in my prayers & don’t cry because it is hormones. You & Joy will be fine. Hugs & prayers

    1. Thank you Cheryl! Don’t worry, we aren’t planning on using the ladder after Joy is here. Actually, we had planned on moving down to the futon much earlier but I haven’t seen the need yet since I’m feeling really well. Your encouragement is appreciated!

  5. “Pinkplateful” is spot on. I encouragingly agree! If I could go back in time, I would have spent lots more quality time with my husband while letting people I trust help out more. I suffered from PPD, and I know isolating myself just made it worse. My thyroid also went wonky within a month of birth which cause a lack of breast milk. Also, the depression and feelings of intense irritation and anger were definitely related to under-active thyroid. I only needed a small dose of Synthroid to fix. Blood tests aren’t as accurate as you may think. I had a smart pediatrician that treated me for hypothyroid in spite my blood test. Trust people who love you, even if you feel paranoid and frustrated and its confusing. If they tell you something is wrong, believe them. If you have PPD, it will literally fight you mentally on this. Choose to have faith and trust your family, they have your best interest at heart, the hormonal depression will lie to you! Blessings!

    1. Thank you oh so much for your encouragement and honesty! My sister-in-law struggles with hasimotos thyroid, so I am blessed to have people in my life who will encourage me to seek help when I need it and when I am not doing well at all! So appreciate your comment.

  6. you two are going to be an amazing three…don’t worry about the emotional surges, you are getting ready. We have been married 29 years and have raised grandchildren. We are at the other end watching them move on with their adventures. Enjoy the journey, it’s so amazing!

    Karen

  7. Good idea about moving to the futon. God Bless! You are looking about ready & I bet your labor will be quicker since you are at 3 cm. Happy delivery prayers & wishes. I love y’alls films.

  8. Aw, you are the sweetest. Tim and I do not have kids…yet 😉 We are on the fence in the baby department but he is 32 and doesn’t want be an old dad if he’s going to be one haha so we will see what happens! I have imagined being where you are right now and everything you have described is exactly what I think I would feel! Life changes so fast and sometimes it seems impossible to keep up with emotions of it all. I feel that life has a way of bringing us what we need and I have no doubt that once Joy arrives you will be so deeply in awe and love with her and family will take on a new meaning for you both. Xoxo.

    1. Thank you for your comment! 🙂 It’s never to late to be a dad! Well, I guess there is a point when the mom’s body makes it impossible… 😉 but ‘old’ is just how you feel. I’m sure ya’ll will be great parents when the time comes!

  9. You brought tears to my eyes. I know what is to come, I have 5 kids. It’s a beautiful thing to have your own child. Everything that is to come will leave a lifetime imprint on the rest of your life which you just have to go through to understand. It is so worth it. I am so happy for you both. Love watching you all on you tube. I will be building one and you all have given us a window into what it will be like to live in a THOW. Thank you! Good luck with the birth of Joy!

  10. Hello Veronica & Jeff, its me Kathy trying to get in touch with you on the box that I had shipped out to you as I don’t know how else to get in touch….I wish I had a email that I could email you….anyways I jumped online and once again checked on the delivery of your package and it was delivered on Oct. 23, @ 12:31…..so then next I had checked on your shipping address and found out what the problem is on which I swear I had doubled checked on your address how many times….what happed was for your P.O. Box I had down 322 instead of 332…I just can’t believe they didn’t catch the name on your box at your Post Office for the correct box #, here is what you should do is get in touch with your Post master and tell them what happened…. they will most likely get in touch with that person with the box# that was incorrect and ask them for the box back, and honestly I am sure that person with your box should have been honest and returned it back to your post master and I am sure they would have figured it out….I wouldn’t mind if it was a item or 2 but I had around 23 items inside plus a card with some $ inside so you could start a Piggie bank for sweet Joy…..here is the confirmation # that was on your package 9405 5118 9956 3457 490 868, size of the box was around 14″ all the way around and weight was 4 pds….it was also shipped thru Priority Mail and I had the box all tapped in tan….I would say the worth of the items inside the box was at least a hundred or a little bit more….just trying to give you all of the information for the post master….please get in touch with me ASAP, I feel horrible about all of this happening and yet I can’t believe I did something so darn dumb….it really saddens me that some person wouldn’t return this package that wasn’t addressed to them in their name but yours on which I had addressed it to “The Rogers Family – c/o Veronica, Jeff & Baby Joy”….thank you so kindly & God Bless, Kathy

    1. Your golden hearted efforts will make them happy. We all have had experiences of people keeping pkgs that were mistakenly addressed or delivered. Not your fault.

      1. Thank you kindly Cheryl, for your support on this with the package I had sent to Veronica & Jeff as I surly do appreciate it and so very true are your words….I do hope they will understand as this has me so very sadden for the both of them on the loss of this wonderful lost package…..thank you so kindly & God Bless, Kathy

      2. Hi Kathy! As you know by now, we received your package. I have a thank you note for you that’s been sitting around for a while, but I can’t for the life of me find your address! If you could send us a private message on youtube, I would so appreciate it so we can get that to you! thanks 🙂

      3. Thanks again Cheryl and to you as well…stay safe & have a great Happy Halloween… God Bless each and everyone of us and may the sunshine down upon you. 🙂

    2. Hi Kathy! I’m sorry it took so long to get with you! With a new baby things were easy to brush under the rug- such as this blog and the comments! We posted a video recently that shows off the box you gave us. Thank you so much for your generosity! We appreciate you. 🙂

      1. Hello guys. I watch y’all every time a new post shows up. I saw Kathy’s gift to you & it was beautiful and so many other baby things as well. Good luck staying up with Joy & working the weddings for photos & staying up with the blog. Your little family comes first. There may be a day when you decide to blog only once or twice a week. I do enjoy your posts so much though. I also like people like Kathy who are so thoughtful & kind. Veronica you are looking so good after just having the baby. Stay happy & have lots of Joy in your life. God Bless

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