In the past few months, Jeff and I have continued to dream about the future of our Tiny House. Well, specifically one dream; a dream to nestle our Tiny House into the Appalachian mountains. We want a permanent spot to call home, a new place where we can raise our growing family in a area that inspires us. We want a legacy of our own.
But often, I’m learning, plans we make for ourselves aren’t the best plans. And, time after time, the door seems to be slammed shut in our face.
It hurts when the dreams you create for yourself doesn’t actually happen. Despite grand efforts, despite praying for direction and open doors, it hurts to finally realize not all dreams are meant to be.
So you try to move on, but you can’t.
I was in love with a place I had hardly visited. I was jealous of a world I have barely seen. I wanted to travel, to move, to be in charge of my own life. But see, as a Christian, that’s not the way it works. When I chose to follow Jesus, I chose to give him control of my life- even if his way isn’t the way I would have picked.
Of course, I knew all this. But yet, I continued to persist, to fight for what I thought ‘was best’. I was (and struggle with) being borderline obsessed with this idea, this obviously perfect direction for our life. I worried constantly about money, about how-to, about everything. I spent so much time worrying and dreaming and planning that I forgot to live for today, to treasure the moments I have now.
Regardless, door after door was slammed shut in our faces. I grew increasingly discouraged. I was praying, for Pete’s sake, praying that God would direct us and open or close doors. Did he want me to remain unhappy? Why would he wire me with a longing for adventure if he never intended to fulfill it?
Patience, my child.
We found a opportunity too good to be true. Despite the fact that every other effort had been closed in our faces, we jumped feet first. We fought for days to make this dream work, to ensure that we would be moving, y’all. There was no way we would fail- two people who married young, who built a tiny house in four months, who started their own business, who gave birth naturally- we would not give up!
So, of course, this opportunity that was ‘too good to be true’ failed. And this rejection was the most bitter, the most brutal of them all.
In my quiet time the following day, the One who loves me most reminded me gently that if I am truly wanting his plan for my life like I say, then I need to trust Him. I need to wait for His calling, His timing. He has the perfect plan for our life. Of course, this plan isn’t easy or a fairy-tale, but it’s what we were designed for, it’s the very reason we were placed on this earth.
He reminded me that I need to wait on Him and His perfect timing. To pursue Him first, and all of my needs will be fulfilled. All of them.
“This God, His way is perfect. The word of the Lord proves true! He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.”
– Samuel 22:31
So, since the Christmas season, I continue to remind myself to praise the Lord in all circumstances, to be content wherever I find myself, and to wait patiently for His timing, His direction to be revealed.
Waiting is hard! So hard. I’m not God, I can only see what is directly in front of me. I see what I want, what I can’t have. I can’t see his design, his plan, my future. Having this tunnel vision makes it hard to trust.
But He does not leave us alone. In my waiting, in my patience, He continues to speak. A direction is being formed & put together. I think, I just think, I know exactly where He is calling us. And, y’all, it scares me. It’s not the fairy-tale life I was planning for, it’s a call full of challenge and change. And, because of that, it’s almost better. I feel as though our small family has purpose again. I can be satisfied in the little moments, in the waiting moments, knowing that God hasn’t forgotten about me and his plan is so much bigger then my own.
We are pumped to share with you where 2016 will take us!
Have you had your dreams ever ‘shut down’? How did you get past the discouragement?