Nineteen and Married

That isn’t a particularly usual blog post title. And this probably won’t be a usual post.

But it’s true- I got married at nineteen. And it’d be rather silly for me for me to say I lead a usual life.

I’m married to a guy who has six brothers. also kinda weird. If you don’t know our story, we dated for three months, were engaged for three more, and got married a day after final exams our freshman year in college. it moved really fast.

Not even two months after we were married, Jeff quit his super-stable, well paying job for a part-time, low-paying gig so we could build and focus on our photography business. we are really crazy. 

Now, nine months into marriage, we have both quit our part-time jobs and are full time photographers building a Tiny House.

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Today, I turn 20. It feels kinda weird, like just now I’m finally entering adulthood. Isn’t it after I turn 20 I’m supposed to get serious about work and love and life-long things? Some people would say I’ve done things completely backwards. definitely abnormal. But I can’t help but feel like I have benefitted so much more from committing to hard things early, instead of waiting until I was grown-up, ready, and knew exactly what I wanted. Honestly… do any of us know exactly what we want, anyways?

So, I’ve had to learn what true commitment means. This goes for my marriage, my business, our Tiny House. Commitment is hard work, commitment means sacrifice, commitment means pain. I’ve had to compromise ideas and wants in my relationship with Jeff for the best of both of us. We’ve had super hard talks, a couple of spats, and we are better for it.

I’ve discovered that chasing your dreams can be a load of bullcrap. I’m not saying dreams are worthless and should be put down all together. I do personally believe every dream inside of us is placed there for a reason and is worth pursuing. However, there is a incredible difference between selfish ambition and a dream that uses your talents to help others, better yourself, and make a impact beyond your own bubble. Going into marriage, I had a lot of selfish dreams that needed adjustment. I’ve learned to think of how my passions can help and effect others, not just myself. I’m still learning how to use what I’ve been given to change the people I interact with.

I’ve had to face a lot of hard realities. It’s not fun to eat rice and beans for a week. It’s not fun for all of your money to go to rent and have nothing left for shampoo. It’s definitely not a joy to go through financial difficulties (can I get a Amen!). It’s really draining to have family issues, or to realize you are, in fact, doing a lot of things wrong. It makes your heart sink when the person you love the most confronts you with an issue. Its hard to realize the choices I make today will effect the rest of my life. And yet, these mistakes and lessons and pain shape me to be better.

I now realize everyone has their own lifeAnd that’s okay. As a recovering people-pleaser, I was desperate for everyone to like me- which (in my mind) meant I had to be like everyone in order to be fun and relatable. But the truth is I’m everything but. I’m married when most girls are in college or getting closer with their girlfriends, I’ve created my own business  when others my age are still studying the best ways to be successful, and we’re building a Tiny House when society says ‘bigger is better’. And sometimes, it’s draining. And usually, it’s sort of lonely because honestly, we aren’t that relatable. But I’m learning to embrace my differences. This is my story, and it’s okay that it’s not the same as everyone else’s. its okay to stick out like a sore thumb. My life and experience isn’t any better then anyone else’s- but it is what’s best for me.

Was I ready to be committed to a life-long relationship? Was I ready to be socially different? Was I ready to ‘give up’ my dreams and face some hard things? Nope. But I’m definitely way better off for it.

What do you think? Has there been something you’ve done that’s not normal but you are better off for? Have you ever regretted pursuing something that others discouraged?

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  1. I have this feeling that you guys are going to be the couple whose married for 70 years and everybody is jealous of. Lol. I can sense the maturity in your writing. I’m so happy that you found your happiness early. While not every girl is ready to be married at 19, every girl dreams of finding that happiness and not having to struggle a long time to find it 🙂 love and miss you.
    -Victoria

  2. Hello my name is Michael. I am from Alabama and have been saving up to build a tiny house of my own. Just had a question regarding the plans for the tiny house you two are building. Did you design it yourself it buy plans. If you could please let me know. You guys are awesome!!!!

    1. Hi Michael! Although we originally bought plans from tiny homebuilders.com, we deviated a lot to fit our unique vision for the house. 🙂 Good luck with your build!

  3. Wow, you are so brave and cut from a different mold!! Best of luck to you and your husband! You seem really happy so it must be paying off so far!

  4. Guys you seen so perfect for each other, I married my husband at 20 (he was 21), and we now live in his home town near Columbia, sc(it’s bloody hot here nearly all year round… Yuck!). Being that I’m from British and had never been to the states before meeting my husband, it’s been a hard road for us both. But we now have 21 years under our belt, and we’ve not done so bad. I’m sure you guys will one day be blogging on your 21st anniversary also. You’re right it’s hard financially, but also loads of fun 🙂

  5. I think what you are doing is great! I myself am in the process of saving money to pay off debt then plan on going part time. I currently live with my husband and some roommates in a 2300 square foot house and hope to downsize sometime next year into something 1000 sq ft or less. My husband is skeptical about going really tiny (under 200 sq ft) so we are going to downsize slowly. I hope to get a house with an rv gate so I can have someone with a tiny house park on our lot. If I cannot go that tiny I would at least like to support the movement and allow someone to park their tiny house on our lot.

    1. Thank you! Going smaller looks different for every family and every stage of life- and that’s alright! I feel like slowly downsizing is a smart move- just to see how well you guys adjust to it. 🙂 So cool that despite where ya’ll end up eventually, you’ll still support others in the movement.

  6. Oops.. I wasn’t finished! I got married at 20, and I’m sure there were some who thought I was too young. We were able to buy a small home – I used money I had saved doing summer jobs for the down payment. Little by little, we have added onto the home and fixed it up (my husband is in the construction business, among other things). We’ll be celebrating out 14th anniversary on Sept. 15th. 🙂

  7. Hey Veronica! I found this post when I was googling the name of my blog to see where it ranked on Google. I run a lifestyle blog (nineteenandmarried.com) about a few different topics, but one of my goals is to de-stigmatize young marriage. My husband and I got married this past July at age 19 and we’ve gotten all the stereotypical questions that engaged teenagers tend to get asked, so I really wanted to show the world that young marrieds can also live a full, fun life!

    Anyway, I have been browsing your blog a little bit and I couldn’t help but feel like we’re friends – we have so much in common that we probably would be friends in real life! My husband and I are both in college right now, but we are very minimalist and our goal is to live in a tiny house one day. I’m also a photographer, although I know you have more experience than me.

    I’m not trying to give a plug for my own blog but I just wanted to say hi and hopefully make a new blogger friend! 🙂

    1. Hi Rachel! Thanks for commenting. Congrats on getting married- how fun! Girl I’ve totally been there with ALL those questions and the major frustration and insecurity that comes with it. I definitely also totally encourage living in a tiny house! Goodness, new blogging friend MADE. Looking forward to connecting more with you!