I am now in my third trimester and 31 weeks of pregnancy and the feeling is ah-mazing! I am over 2/3rds there and am on a pregnancy high of “I can do it, I can do it.” It’s really wonderful to see the finish line finally in sight.
So far, this pregnancy has been relatively easy. Of course, I had very light morning sickness in the first few weeks and now the regular bathroom trips and round ligament pain, but really nothing notable enough to complain about.
Despite my health, though, I struggled with inadequacy. Weird, right? But I got caught up in everything my pregnancy wasn’t. Wasn’t morning sickness supposed to be terrible? And wasn’t I supposed to be hormonal and eating enough for two grown men? While all the other pregnant ladies I knew (seemed to) struggle intensely with their bodies, I was feeling nearly the same as pre-pregnancy. What was wrong with me that I wasn’t acting like a ‘normal’ pregnant lady? I allowed myself to twist the well-intended words of friends and family to mean something much more menacing… Clearly, my pregnancy experience and birth story wouldn’t be near as exciting or fulfilling as it was for the mothers who suffered their entire pregnancy for their child.
So, foolishly, I drew myself away. I stopped asking questions, and was on the lookout for any slight irritation or inconvenience I could blame on pregnancy just so I could say me, too. I stopped writing for a long time, afraid that my relatively painless and easy journey would be perceived as fake and laughable, rather then relatable and helpful (no matter what I was even writing about!).
As the birth draws closer (just ten weeks until due date), I am realizing the mistake I’ve been making for over six months. Instead of embracing my own unique experience (and the gift of ‘easy’), I fell into the trap of comparison and, in a very odd form, envy. Having a easy pregnancy doesn’t make me any less prepared to go into labor, nor does it mean that I am any less adequate or deserving of the child inside of me. I know, I know- it sounds so very silly to even consider that anyone would think that.
So now, I am ignoring the lies I’ve forced upon myself and will focus on my unique pregnancy, my beautiful baby. So what If I don’t have tons of pregnancy pains and concerns? So what if I choose to do things in a slightly different way then others? It’s all going to be okay, and this experience is unique to Jeff, Joy, and me- and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
When have you believed something ridiculous about yourself? Are you currently battling insecurity from other people’s experiences? Most importantly, what are you doing to embrace your own unique story- whatever your story may be?