One of the hardest things I struggle with is comparison. I have an idea, I start it, and then I quit because I see people who have the same ideas or talents, only they are better then mine (and sometimes honestly just different). And that’s the struggle for me: not to be just like them… but to be just like them. And of course, that’s impossible. So I quit.
Photography, for instance. There is just so much for me to learn. I might have a nice camera and a love for it, but other people are just better. It seems like often I am just re-learning the basics, over and over again. That I’ll take a picture I think is good, and then feel my heart sink as I realize in editing something is wrong, or just it’s not as great as I thought it was.
Blogging, for instance. I don’t know how to blog. I tell myself that I don’t know how to relate to people, actually, and blogging terrifies me sometimes because I have trouble being open about anything serious or potentially sensitive. Its uncomfortable for me to share myself to others without even knowing how they may respond, or if they care. Writing and sharing words is the easiest way for me to express my thoughts- and yet I still think I’m doing it wrong.
My life doesn’t look the same as any of the others I’ve seen. Obviously. And I wouldn’t want it too, but it makes me feel sometimes as though for it to be ‘acceptable’ it needs to change slightly, just needs to conform and instantly be perfect, be somehow better. How do you change a life while keeping it exactly the same? And that’s something you just don’t quit. I have to much invested- my wonderful husband, a passionate God who’s given me dreams and desires… I don’t want those to change, but I want to feel as what I am doing is good enough. And honestly… sometimes it’s just not. But sometimes, it actually is.
The trouble with comparison is that it makes you take your unique life- your purpose, and plan, and style, and passions- and compares it to everyone else’s unique. It’s impossible to replicate to a tee someone else because I am not made the same way with the same thoughts and words and talents as anyone else. And why would I want to be? This is where 1 Corinthians 12:15-20 has been a huge encouragement to me. I can be as different as I want to be – and that’s okay because it’s what I am supposed to be.
This week, this month, this time- I am determined not quit just because I have a slow start or a different twist. I’m learning to accept where I am at, and push myself to progress- not to become someone else’s idea of ‘good’, but to reach the potential I was created for. No more comparing, but encouraging others- and saving some for myself.